Continuing on our series of raising kids the right way in a joint family, in this blog we will go through the key communication method to emphasise on when dealing with family conflicts, and much more.
Communicating with grandparents/Kids & family members
Even after great communication and bonding, misunderstandings and differences of opinion can still occur.
There might be disagreements or you may experience awkward silences from your family members’ part.
How to deal with conflicts?
- The more parents discuss how they will raise their child from the start with other family members, the better.
- Frank conversations with family members /grandparents , even before your child begins to walk and talk on their own,
- about what you will and won’t accept when it comes to parenting and what values you would like your child to follow will help reduce future conflict.
- As emphasized earlier, have a set of ground rules for your kid’s parenting.
- When conflicts arise, choose your time to discuss conflicts. It’s best not to communicate in the heat of the moment.
- Explain calmly why you’re upset, and why it’s important that all family members and you are on the same team.
- Be clear and specific, particularly about big issues.
- Discuss concerns and issues from a collaborative position, not a top-down one.
- Be firm, calm and respectful in your approach.
- Be open to changing your opinion if something better comes along the way.
- Speak in a positive way whenever you’re raising a concern. Your goal should be to get to a solution.
- Use good listening skills and don’t interrupt when another person is sharing their point of view. Pay attention to what they have to say and try to understand things from their perspective too
- Try not to be too critical of and lay blame on someone.
- Refrain from saying hurtful words.
- Try to keep family discussions /conflicts away from kids.
Communicating with kids
- Give importance to creating a strong bond with your children. This will promote two-way conversation and establish a secure environment for them to express their concerns as and when needed.
- It takes time and patience to set rules and ensure compliance. Adopting a calm but firm and supportive stance will be beneficial.
- Never badmouth family members when talking to your kids.
- Refrain your kid from getting involved in any form of family politics.
- Accept that your kid might be wrong at times. They might for once miscommunicate between family members to get what they want.
- When such situations occur, confront your kid,and ask why they did it. Refrain from shaming them or scolding them in front of everyone. Instead teach them better in a compassionate manner.
- Don’t hesitate to tell your kids that they are wrong, when needed and that you’ll have to put some restrictions if they don’t change their behavior.
Maintaining your sanity
With so much to do, your own mental peace can be compromised at many occasions.
That’s why it’s important for you to engage in some form of self care sessions as well.
- Manage your emotional baggage –
Communication with family members at times may not be enough as you have to make sure to follow some boundaries rules. This might build resentment /guilt overtime.
So it’s advised to vent your build up emotions every now and then through journaling, workout or by taking a break for a couple of days to do something recreational.
- Take help of your spouse –
Talk to your spouse if you feel tense. Share your concerns and involve him in parenting equally.
You can take turns taking care of your kids and family or take trips together to get a break if you feel too overwhelmed.
- Have good family time –
As mentioned earlier, fun sessions together are extremely important not just for family dynamics, but for individual family members as well.
- Seek professional help –
If you feel too stressed or overwhelmed all the time , ask help from a parenting coach or therapist to deal with the underlying feelings and issues.
And at the end don’t be too hard on yourself and let certain things slip.
Mistakes to avoid
- Don’t doubt the intentions of your family members – Understand that people around you love your kid too.
Unless you have some solid evidence or pattern that shows otherwise, give people around you the benefit of doubt.
- Don’t pick on petty fights /arguments the moment your child complains about a family member – This not only will affect the relation between you and family members but also negatively affect the behavior & mindset of your kid. Instead, try listening to both sides of the story, make the decision and resolve the issue after that there itself.
- Don’t compare kids –
Comparing kid’s grades, weight, complexions is common in joint family setups. Refrain from these as much as possible.
You don’t want your kid to think of their cousins as competitors but as allies.
Identify each kid’s strength point, and let them help other kids of the family with that particular area.
- Avoid being preachy -Even when you are right, try to avoid being too condescending and judgemental towards others around you.
Remember you’re a family and everyone is trying their best.
Just like the kids, the same rule applies to adults here as well – You and other family members aren’t competitors, but allies. Identify each other’s strength areas and help each other around with the weak points.
Key Takeaways :
Communicate firmly, clearly and openly with family members.
Have a set of ground rules on what’s acceptable and what’s not for you,what values you want your kids to inculcate.Ensure to communicate it well to other family members.
Meet people halfway when it comes to different parenting styles. ( You can be stricter when it comes to non negotiable areas of parenting as discussed earlier)
Strengthen your bond with your kid. This alone will help you get through most of the challenges.
Don’t miss out on all the fun elements being too hard on yourself or others.
Hope you enjoyed reading this and found it helpful. Follow my blog for more on parenting and daily life hacks for moms!